How lucky for me that this month my posting day came right after Valentine's Day. As a kid I loved the splashy reds and pink color everywhere, getting sweetly innocent 'Be Mine' notes in the decorated boxes we got out of math to make. I really liked the smarmy, commercial punch out Valentine's with Mighty Mouse, Cinderella, The Hulk. They were way cool to collect because in my family our sweet missives were always homemade out of stinky paste, construction paper, doilies and glitter. Totally uncool. Needless to say, I grew jaded of Valentine mush at an early age.
These days, it seems like Valentine's Day is all about play. Getting your groove on, copping some booty, gathering the bling. Clichés are everywhere, debauching real romantic love like strings of phony zircon jewelry. So I decided to take some of our cliché friends for a little spin.

1. Diamonds are a girl's best friend! Yeah, maybe… but only if it's the Hope Diamond. 'Cause here's the facts. "Hard, shiny, sparkling bright, but nothing warm to hold at night" plays waaay better!

Not a proper spin? Okay.

2. Everyone deserves a second chance! And a third, maybe a fourth. Possibly a ninth or tenth!

Not clever enough? You're right.

3. Roses are red, ice is cold. Come on to me, 'cause I like bold!

Too tame? This one's better.

4. A hard man is good too find!

Oops! Inappropriate even for a romance writers blog? Then perhaps this says more...

5. Love is like banking. You only gain interest with frequent deposits. And no withdrawals!

Okay, way inappropriate. But surely no worse than:

6. Is that a gun in your pocket or…
a) just loose change?
b) have you gone nuts?
c) are you driving a stick shift these days?
d) have you seen the latest Sport's Illustrated swimsuit edition?
e) Astro-glide!

I could go on… and on. Here's another from the infamous Mae West.

7. If you ever need me, whistle. Y'know, just put your lips together and blow!

Not funny? Guess you had to be there…

8. Yes, but will you still respect me in the morning?
Spin a) Since you've tried the milk, will you buy the cow?
Spin b) Now that you've kicked the tires will you still take me for a test drive?
Spin c) Sure, but then can you wear the handcuffs in the morning?
Spin d) Cool, but can you also put my navel stud back in with your tongue?

Yeah… enough already.

9. Love is blind. I like this cliché because it works as theme, plot and in any scenario you can imagine. But no one spins it better than Shakespeare. "Love looks not with the eyes but with the mind. And therefore wing'd Cupid is painted blind." (And naked come to think about it. Mmm!)

But trashing the cliché's aside and getting down to the true heart of the matter…

10. Love is what you make of it. So, why not check out your bank account?!

Ta 'til next month, Pam Morris